Falling In Love With Your Sugar Daddy (And Routes to Take)

I recently received a message from a sugar baby asking for help.  She’d fallen in love with her sugar daddy and confided that she knew it couldn’t work out.  That her sugar daddy had dropped women before because feeling got in the way.  I told her I would help her as much as possible.

Falling in love with your Sugar Daddy is an issue a lot of Sugar Babies face. Lets face it, this man is wining and dining you,  but they’re usually unobtainable for anything more. Some of these men have such hectic schedules and lives that they’re unable to commit, or they have a wife at home that they’re not willing to let go of, and you want more. You start craving them, thinking of them constantly, dreaming of them, checking your phone all the time to see if they’ve replied to your text and hanging onto their every word when they’re talking.

Again, you’re not alone.

When you start developing feelings for a sugar daddy, you need to ask yourself if they’re actually feelings of love or infatuation (Intense but short term feelings of love). If you’ve only been with your Sugar Daddy for a short time, the feeling is more than likely infatuation, if you’ve been together for a much longer period of time, it’s more than likely love.

This is difficult to post about, because there are so many possibilities and scenarios that need to considered.  In the Sugar bowl, things are a lot more complicated than that of a traditional dating-relationship. With a sugar relationship, flirting is part of the arrangement, but the love doesn’t come at all most of the time.  Turning off the sex, dating, and kissing is usually out of the question unless you want out of the relationship all together.

There are three ways you can go about this.  But before anything, give it a month or two to see if you’re actually in love and not infatuated. Sometimes it’s really hard to tell the difference. Also make sure that there is no way your SD feels the same way, but don’t over analyze things either…

1.  You can end the arrangement right now. 

2.  You can tell him, but make sure you do it appropriately. It’s hard when revealing your true feelings to get overexcited.  

3.  You can try and suppress these feelings.

But Elsy, how am I supposed to make these feelings go away?  It’s not like a light switch you know! 

I’m not going to lie.  It’s not easy at all, and these are just personal ways that I was able to sweep my feelings under the rug and not them them get in the way.  If you’ve been reading my blog for awhile you know that I’m now lucky enough to be in a relationship with my sugar daddy, however, the road to get here was a long one, definitely not an easy one, but I was able to do it.  These may not work for you, but I hope you will find what does work for you.

  • Is it the money you love, or his company?  Are you enjoying all these beautiful things you have and are receiving, or do you actually love him?  If the money wasn’t a factor in any of this, would you still want to be spending time with him?
  • Is he married or unobtainable?  Is he adamant about not wanting a relationship, is he married?  If so, then you need to remember that. Would you be OK with your husband spending time and having sex with other women? Would you be OK with them being the sugar daddy of one of these women?
  • Focus on things you hate about him. I know it’s very basic, but it helped me.  Is there something you don’t like about him? Does he tell bad jokes?  Have bad breath?  Have bad fashion taste?  Need a haircut?  Focus on all the things you dislike about one another. Even the small things count.
  • Stop Stalking!  Stop texting him 5 times a day, stop checking his facebook or your email.  Don’t log onto Sugar Daddy dating sites every five minutes expecting a message from him. When you obsess over him, you’re doing nothing for yourself.
  • Remember, it’s all about you! Focus on what is best for yourself.  When I avoiding my feelings for Objection I would think to myself “What is best for me right now?”  At that moment, did I really want to give up flirting and dating for one man?  Nope.
  • Get more than one Sugar Daddy / Date.  Greedy? Quite possibly! But getting more than one sugar daddy or dating other men will focus your attention on other people, and other things.  When my feelings began to grow for Obj. I began seeking other people, fooling around with my girl friends, and meeting new men.  Soon, I was more focused on them than him!
  • Focus on your friendships.  If you don’t want more than one sugar daddy, this is a great alternative.  Do things with friends, make new friends, branch yourself out and get social.  Again, your want to refocus your time and energy!
  • Don’t glorify them.  During the time I had my feelings towards Obj.  I put Obj.’s actual name instead of “Objection <3”.  I deleted pictures of him from my phone,  didn’t over wear things he bought me.  If your apartment is overcrowded with things he bought you, then put them away.
  • Distance Yourself.  Don’t reply to all his messages straight away, don’t read all of the texts he sends you straight away either.  Make it a game. How many hours can you go?  Start off short, (think minutes) then try and make it longer.  “How many hours can you go?”  Keep in mind, this is also a way your SD can want you more (Obj. told me he wanted me more once I started distancing myself.) So who knows, it could work for you too!
  • Don’t try forgetting all your feelings at once. Doing this all at once will completely mess with your head and confuse you. It’s too much to take on. Do it slowly, take on a few at a time, not all.  Keep in mind that these things take time, but hopefully, slowly but surely, you’ll learn to block off these feelings of love.
Good luck ladies. Remember to exhaust all efforts before making a hasty decision.

16 thoughts on “Falling In Love With Your Sugar Daddy (And Routes to Take)

    • Crud? The point is to focus on things you dislike. Even the smallest things. 🙂 As I stated, it’s merely things that worked for me. These things did work for ME. May not work for others, but still. 🙂

  1. Elsy – I don’t agree with your first option (leave him). Why would you do that? Why wouldn’t you just do option #2 (tell him) and then let the chips fall as they may? More than likely it will be the end of the arrangement, but there may be a small chance that it ends in something more, so why would you not take that chance? The outcome is more than likely the same, but 1) the SD understands why it is ending and 2) he is involved in the choice. Your first option is the SB making a decision for the SD, which is never a good idea. We can’t know what someone else is thinking, or how they will react, so we need to stop making decisions for them.

    • I wasn’t trying to label them as the best option to worse, those were just the three paths somebody could take. I’m also not trying to say they should do any of those, but realistically, those are the three options! 🙂

      I think you’re right to a certain extent, people should tell the other half if they’re developing feelings. However, there are certain circumstances (Maybe he is married and wont leave his wife, maybe he treats her badly, maybe he doesn’t want relationship with feelings AT ALL) that I believe #1 applies to some. I personally know a SD who will end a SB-SD relationship if feelings start getting in the way. #1 just works for some people, but do I believe it’s right? No. I don’t. I think circumstances are different for everybody though and that we should be open minded to that :)!

  2. Thanks elsy, I’m really struggling with my feelings for my SD. It’s nice to hear I’m not the only one and offers me a slight comfort.

  3. I like Elsy’s point about getting more than one other affair, as a distraction. That has worked for me time and time again, and I have also offed the same advice to others. Nothing better to cure infatuation than chasing around other ‘targets’

  4. … and then there are those cases where the reverse is true. I so much wish my google search for “Help! I’ve fallen in love with my Sugar Baby!” had turned up a more exact match. 😦
    Still, many of the tips given here were helpful. I’ve tried some on my own (“How many hours can you go?”, “Focus on the things you hate”)
    It sucks when you develop feelings, but she’s in it only for the game. Or when you’d be prepared to leave that “first wife”, but she is not ready or willing to commit.

    “We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.”
    -Kurt Vonnegut, Mother Night

    • I was really happy and surprise to hear a SD in love with his SB =] I’m kinda new to this. And i just thought a SD falling for his SB and them living happily ever after is just a fantasy x3 I think i’m starting to fall in love with my SD…The things i hated on a men i soon loved on him =p like his hairy body, short hair, and slight balding. He’s still the most wonderful and handsom person i know. i hate it when he has to leave and go back home to his wife. I wish i could sleep next to him every night. And for some reason it doesnt feel as good anymore getting money from him. I guess cause thats not what i really want anymore. I don’t think i can tell him because i’m afraid of losing him. I can’t tell if its really love or im just too young (18) and he’s like one of my first good SD (i have another SD). I don’t know. He’s not like most SD i met either. We dont have sex all the time, though its hard not to lol. But sometimes we just go see a movie.

      • Piper, thank you *so much* for leaving this comment, so many months later!

        Yes, my relationship with my SB has been like that: more like a regular *relationship* than an SB/SD thing. We watch movies, we talk about current issues and our thoughts and beliefs and pop culture and just … everything. We don’t always have to have sex (but it’s damn good when we do).
        Maybe it is Fate that your update was posted just now, because just today my SB and I had a profoundly intimate, loving, and not necessarily just sexual experience (though I’m not going to lie: we made love and it was awesome 😛 )

        She loves me. She loves me!! And I love her. She has told me she would be okay with me not giving her money, taking that aspect out of the relationship. In my case, I cannot imagine that. I derive *so much* pleasure and it means so much to me to take care of her in every way I can: financially, emotionally, spiritually.
        I am married. That is my shame and my problem and the wonderful news is, it is a solveable problem 🙂 I am working out my finances so I’ll be able to divorce — cleanly, quickly, and hopefully with as little pain as possible — so I can marry my true soulmate. God willing, the girl, now woman, who I met more than a year ago on an SB/SD site, will in a few months’ time be my wife and I am so grateful for this. It was worth all the months of heartache.

        It is hard for any SD to understand how painful it must be for an SB, when her Daddy goes back home to his wife. I didn’t really understand this myself, until my SB started seeing other SDs and telling me about them. Turnabout is fair play. It’s good that you have another SD; you have experience at least with someone else, to compare against the SD you are falling for.

        Your beloved SD is a very lucky man. Be sure to talk to him about all the things you should talk to any potential serious-relationship guy about. Talk about your BELIEFS. Talk about your future goals. Do you want children? Does he have children? Would you feel comfortable spending time with them? Approach these ideas slowly, carefully, but don’t ignore them.

        Just… please, please PLEASE remember to put YOURSELF first. *YOU* are precious and special no matter what any man says or does, okay?

        My thoughts and prayers are with all of us who have gotten tangled up in love affairs, dipping our fingers into the sugar bowl.

  5. I think I am in love with my sugar daddy. He is 23 years older than me (Im 21) and he is the most charming man I have ever met. At first I thought it was the money. I get $5000 a month plus tips and gifts and travel but I dont think its that. He is a gentle lover and damn good at it. He’s well-endowed and aside from financial differences, we have so much in common. We make love in the barest sincerest forms and he only sleeps with his wife once every couple months (with a condom). Elsie, maybe I’m too young to know what real love feels like but I have never felt like this before. Which option should I choose?

  6. Good shot gal. We haven’t been intimate ever since we met, he encourages me to get my drivers licence and go back to schøol (varsity) thats when i realised that he trully likes me. But the fact remains that we play second best. Ouch!!

  7. @ Mbali. Sugar babies don’t play second best necessarily. I believe I am in love with my sugar baby, more time will let me know if it is more than infatuation. I started out with a bad 15 year marriage, but lovely child that I adored. I then used a sugar site interested in finding a girl in NYC to enjoy fine dining, Broadway, museums, and everything the Big Apple has to offer. I was definitely looking forward to the sex, mainly, to be quite frank.

    I assumed the girl I met was going to be materialistic, manipulative, jaded, etc. like many of the strippers I have met. She was none of those. She had recently completed her masters degree and was having trouble affording life in Manhatten on the pay that social workers receive. She was intelligent, sweet, down to earth and so thoughtful she would insist on tap water when the waiter would ask if we preferred tap or sparkling, I asked her if she disliked sparkling and was told that it was great, but an unnecessary additional expense!

    My problem is I now believe I am falling in love with her. I doubt that she, at 28, is truly interested in a relationship and possible marriage to a man in his mid forties. I am afraid to tell her how I feel fearing reaction one above, which I suppose could also be a list of ways to handle a SD falling in love with you. I also can’t imagine she feels the same, although when we make love it feels so genuine. I fantasize about her telling me she no longer feels right about accepting my gifts because she is interested in a regular relationship. Of course I wouldn’t accept, I know she needs money and would hate the idea of her finding a new SD. I would, however, move her to my city and set her up here, helping her find work, maybe even creating it by setting up a foundation she can run to help disadvantaged youth (her passion).

    But then we get to the wife situation. I wish we had divorced before we added a child to the mix. I can’t imagine not being there every day of his life until he is in college, or at least high school. My wife and I are best friends,mbut I haven’t been sexually interested in her ever. I was close to her family during college and we got together when she was the age my SB is now. I was pushed into marriage and fatherhood. I should have left but I didn’t want to cause my wife pain. How do you tell someone you are repelled by them sexually? We have only had sex a few times per year despite her wanting it constantly, but she thinks I have a problem. When I make love to my SB we spend hours pleasing each other, with multiple orgasms each. My problem isn’t that I don’t desire sex, I just don’t desire it with my wife.

    So my point is, I feel it difficult to leave my family, but would like nothing more than to be with my SB every day and lie by her every night. After reading the comments above, I think I should give it a few more months to make sure it isn’t just infatuation, and if I am sure I am in love, I may need to summon the courage to tell her. If she feels the same way I may have to seek a solution that involves trying to end my marriage in a way that preserves my relationship with my son. It is a difficult decision with a lot to lose, but a future of happiness ever after to be gained.

  8. I’m new to this whole sugar daddy thing and reading this makes me kinda nervous! I hope this doesn’t happen to me and if it does I’ll prob end up using some of the tips off of here 🙂 I don’t exactly know how things work with a sugar daddy…could anyone give me some advice?

  9. I have been seeing a few SD’s and never thought twice about what they were doing or not doing with others, but now the one that I really like and connect with more then anyone and have had those sneaky thoughts about – what if we take it to the next level, etc . . anyways, bottom line is I let myself like him. (I usually stick with married guys to avoid this pitfall) A few days ago we went car shopping (a loan, I’m paying him back) how this will work, I don’t know yet. I have never stayed all night with any SD. Him, I am considering it, but I don’t know. I have a small biz, but he is my main source of income, besides one other married SD that pays my rent. I’m pretty sure my SD’s think they’re the only one. Never came up. The dilemma is, I like him. I like the married one too, but him being married, keeps my feelings simple. I haven’t liked anyone like this for years. He invites me out with his friends and their wives, we have them over for BBQ’s and they act like his house is mine. They treat me like his girlfriend. At first I was fine with it, I was “playing the part”, like I do with everyone. Now I’m getting attached to either him, or this role. I’m scared to lose him, but scared to keep him. My middle name is “Much Afraid”. . . Let’s face it, he’ll get bored and go find some new sugar. Or, we fall in love and live happily ever after. Seriously? I think we all know the inevitable outcome here. Any thoughts and advice would be appreciated.

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