Revealing Myself.

I sat across from Daniel on our third date and slowly nodded in acknowledgment at what he had to say. I don’t remember the words, but I remember he talked about his family.  His wife. His children… And his pets.  His wife stayed at home all day with their children, but lacked the energy to give him the undivided attention he needed… Apparently. I didn’t feel bad for him, though. I felt bad for her. I felt bad she had to deal with this self absorbed asshole.  I don’t know why I settled for him.  He was older. He was an asshole. Maybe that’s what I needed at that moment, though.  And despite my usual rule of never sleeping with a married man, I broke it that night.

 

He took me back to his hotel room, and had wasted virtually no time. He was aggressive, and I needed that. He had put his mouth up to my neck and inhaled me. Bit me… And I remember feeling instantly soaked. The pain I felt towards everything and everyone else at that moment became completely channeled into Daniel. He wrapped his arms around me and unzipped my dress. It fell down to my ankles, and he looked at my body. I felt judged. He was analyzing me, and I found that sexy. I wanted him to find that small mole next to my bellybutton sexy, I wanted him to find my breasts attractive, and my hair soft. I wanted approval. He pinned my hands up with his one hand, and the other went around my throat firmly. This just made me more and more excited. He slapped me, he spat on me, and called me a filthy whore, and at that moment, I wanted to be his whore.  I sucked his dick like a good little bitch, and I let him put it in my ass. I was a cum dumpster. That’s what I wanted to be. I wanted approval.

I never saw him after that. I left with my hair looking like trash, my make up running, and I went home and cried.  I cried because I felt like a slut, I cried because I missed Objection, and I cried because I enjoyed the sex.  That night I deleted my SA account, too, and decided to focus on myself.

 

Hi, my name is Elsy. I enjoy the smell of the ocean, but I have an insane fear of drowning. When I’m underwater, I usually start having panic attacks and immediately come back up.  As I look out to the ocean now, I can’t help but wonder if people have drowned in this sea.  The other day I went swimming with dolphins for the first time, and I have an amazing natural tan… Objection thinks it’s sexy at least.

 

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7 thoughts on “Revealing Myself.

  1. Hi Elsy. It seems like you could use a few kind words right now and maybe a hug. Things must be difficult for you with the break up, though I don’t know you at all, so there might be other life issues as well. I’ve been subscribed to your blog for at least a month and, from what I know of you through reading it, I’m positive that you’ll be feeling better in no time. Don’t be ashamed of your needs that night (or any other, if others come along) and keep looking for your inner strength. c:

  2. awww Elsy i just stumbled up on your blog just yesterday and I know what it feels like to let go/lose someone close to you and find yourself in the arms of another…I am in the beginning of a break up myself …we have been on and off for a while now..but in the midst of all this …I’m thinking of becoming a SB…my ex I love with all my heart…I don’t think being with a new relationship or SD will ease that ever..sometimes I wish he would set along his pride and come and beg for me back instead of playing little games to make me chase him…so mutually…let I will let your pain be my pain as well you are not alone in this …never think for a second that you are 🙂

  3. Hi Elsy 🙂
    I have been reading your blog for the past few days (just so you know many links are dead in the “how-to-advice” section).
    I am 22, and a sugar baby in the making. You blog is helpful. I have never received money or gifts, I have always insisted to go dutch. Stories like yours, and those of other SB are teaching me how it is okay to let go, and to give in my gender’s social advantages (aka being treated like a lady in distress).

    I just wanted to let you know that you were not a slut, nor a whore. And that yes, Daniel was an asshole who took his frustration out on you.
    You were aching and that’s okay, we are all hating ourselves at one point in our lives. And I admit sex is a great outlet. It is animalistic, it feels good, you do not think anymore, it’s intense, sometimes painful. Although, as a rule, I think sex should never be used to relieve negative feelings, it should always be recreational, like a gratification 🙂

    Don’t call yourself a whore.
    Maybe you felt bad about anal sex. But it’s society and religion that makes us think that anal sex is dirty or painful. It is none. I myself enjoy anal sex a lot and feel no shame admitting it. I can have anal sex with a perfect stranger (one night stands) without feeling dirty or guilty about it. No one has ever called me slut in my face. Although some of my partners might have been dumbfounded and might have asked “do you REALLY enjoy it ?” and I’d be like “Yes, if I come from it, then I enjoy it, and I am not here to make you feel like a king. In case you didn’t get it by now, tonight, I am here for ME ! It’s all about MOI, b*tch !” (Well I would not call a poor cuddly and concerned fella a “b*ich”, in real life).
    What I mean is, there are many ways to have sex, many ways to feel good. Do not feel degraded.
    I just hope you guys used condoms. Especially with anal sex, it’s the n°1 most effective way of catching an STD.

    And about the sex with that married man cheating on his unknowing wife. What can I say… now it’s done ^^, just don’t do it again 😉 And it’s not like you took anything away from his poor wife (like time, affection, or loads of money).
    All in all, your experience wasn’t shameful or that bad, if it triggered something within you and helped you cry or “exorcise” a painful memory then, your inner demons, it was a worthy experience.

    In your last post, I have read you felt better, despite your breakup with objection. I hope you are healing well 🙂

    Many hugs.

  4. I have a date with a pot tomorrow that I do worry could turn in to all that negative very quickly. I have agreed to do somethings that I have never done before and I am worried. Thank you for telling your story, so if it does turn out badly then at least I’m not alone in doing things because it seems like the right thing for me right now. If that makes any sense…

  5. Just stop bye because I was curious on this subject. Women tend to find it easy with dealings of the sugar baby lifestyles, even though I have not really lived it myself and only really think about all the suffering you gals go through, its heart breaking. I was really doubting it, the sugar baby lifestyle as a fantasy or dream. But lately after joining some daddy sites, I came to figure they all wanted sex up front. I often yelled at them. Which in turn, I have not really dated any of them, but I wasn’t going to give it up, for a hundred dollars, it came more like an insult. Oh and elsy, just as many of us want to have sex, and sex is often comes with a price, we as women, should protect ourselves more, like the last reader said, condoms, but we never really know how many times these guys do it and then give it to us, because really their in it for the fuck and not a full relationship. How much is too little? or how much is too much? Worth our price for our beautiful faces and bodies, that they cannot simply admire from afar but have to touch, well in his case, abuse. We should value ourselves more, and let them drop off their steam somewhere else, because you and me are well worth it, and if they cannot see that, then like the song says “All about that bass”. “Just move on…” we have to tell them.

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